"and never again
awaken"

Oh, omit 'and' from the beginning of your sentence. 'and' should never go at the beginning because it's unnecessary.

I really like this piece. Except for the only correction I had to make, it's a great piece. Lovely work.

Thank you for your input. As far as the 'and' goes, well...I actually write in a very different way than others. That word isn't actually the beginning of a sentence all by itself, but is a continuation of the beginning line - "I just want to sleep..."

To be honest, though, in poetry (and only in poetry) when I do begin new sentences, I do use "and" to start it off quite a bit. I do know, as far as grammar goes, it shouldn't be used to begin a sentence, but I do it on purpose. It's a sort of continuation of thoughts for me. In writing I write exactly what I feel and what comes to me, and sometimes leaving out something that might constitute bad grammar is a big sacrifice. For myself, anyway.

Anyway, I really, really appreciate your input, and thank you so much for commenting and the fav!

Very welcome.

Well, the only problem with the word 'and' is that it does take away from a piece. 'and' becomes overdone.

Noted. I don't normally use it a lot in one poem, but I didn't realize it takes away from the work. Thank you.

Again, welcome.

Well yes it does take away from the work. It looks unprofessional and it's very distracting from the words that really count. I see how you set up your poetry and that 'and' isn't really at the beginning, but that sentence just doesn't need the word. It as if you've watered down your poem with unnecessary words that are just distracting. All they add is girth to the piece, nothing else.

why nobody's living your song ? why so worried about some words ?
well, it's OK, not everybody's supposed to feel...cause while you're real, you feel so unreal...